So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
