This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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