it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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