he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
