i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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