Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
