Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
