your room smells of hookers.
And success
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
