she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
