I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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