Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
