I wish I could punch you in the face.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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