dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
