you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
