She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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