Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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