I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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