i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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