suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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