she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
