You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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