apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
