My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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