just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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