I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
high people should be assigned attendants
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
