I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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