Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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