This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
