It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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