it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Shame is for Republicans.
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