Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
