true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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