That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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