Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You are the jesus of drinking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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