Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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