from now on my penis is your penis
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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