I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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