i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
