doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
