Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
