is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
