i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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