If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
These tits shall not be calmed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize