she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize