That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
