Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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