I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
