brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
