he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
