coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
