I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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