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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market

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• (650): View more from California

  He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  "I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....

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• (845): View more from New York

  so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from

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