Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
