My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
