I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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