so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My nipple is on Facebook.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
