Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
