My cat gives me a boner
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
