I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
