morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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