I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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