i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
