i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
