I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
