You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My life is pants optional.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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