my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
